Recovery Coaching through the Holidays
It’s no secret the holiday Season can be rife with stresses and triggers for those entering recovery.
As recovery coaches, we want to leave all the decision-making in the court of our recoveree. That strength-based approach is the heartbeat of good coaching.
How do we, as recovery coaches meet Seasonal difficulties without giving advice or falling into the “fixing” trap?
As with all sessions, we will want to meet them with empathy, normalize their experience, and hold them in high regard.
We will first want to ascertain what their most significant concerns are specifically.
It may be an event, time with family, hitting the busy malls, pressure to spend when money isn’t readily available, or any number of holiday pressures.
Hear them out.
Quite frequently, our recoverees find their own way through it without much prompting.
Some questions worth asking include:
Who are the strongest and most reliable people on your support team?
These are those folks who support a person in their recovery. They go the extra mile to keep them safe. They are readily available and reliable to show up. Keeping them close can be key.
If one of those supports is a therapist or addiction counsellor, will they be available for a session before the holidays?
What is your internal time limit on family gatherings?
Time with family might be the highlight of Christmas. For many people, that’s not always so.
Who can you rely on to be an ally within the family? Is there a way you can keep them close?
Even if you can find a place of safety, you may find some members of the family will wear on you.
What is your timeline?
About how long are you into a visit with mom, dad, sister or brother before you start feeling a little angst? Do you sense it in your body? Does your behaviour change to a point where you notice and feel uncomfortable?
Is it three hours or two?
What would be an effective exit strategy?
Perhaps it’s just that you’re not feeling well, which is not altogether untrue. Maybe it’s other plans.
This is a great place to brainstorm with a recoveree.
What kind of events can you be a part of or create yourself that you would enjoy this Season?
Let them develop their own ideas, but with permission, brainstorm with them for a bit.
Maybe that’s a games night and potluck (featuring mocktails) with sober friends?
Maybe it’s a guys’ or girls’ movie night with dinner?
Your recoveree will come up with their own great ideas with the right prompts.
What were your most treasured memories around Christmas?
This is a wonderful idea to explore, particularly if a recoveree feels financial stress around the Season.
Science shows we remember experiences more than we do things. We don’t recall the red fire truck or Gameboy as much as we do the pyjama ride in the car through the Christmas-lit homes with family.
This question can also reveal the types of events that are meaningful for a recoveree and the types of people and activities.
Further, the question has the benefit of reminiscing about better times when addiction wasn’t an issue.
Jumping forward to next January, what would you hope would be your warmest memories of this Christmas?
When we jump forward in time, we’re looking back from a place without pending financial and social stresses. There’s a sense of clarity here about what is really important. That will be entirely up to the recoveree to determine.
Doing so helps highlight the important things, helping them put effort into those areas.
Also, looking back, it lessens the chances of unreal expectations going into Christmas.
Which support groups are available to you this Season?
Your recoveree may be in a 12-step facilitation program, Smart recovery, Refuge or Dharma recovery, or any other of a host of support groups.
Many of these hold Christmas Parties and New Year’s events.
Which of these might be available to your recoveree?
You can probably think of many great questions for your recoveree. If you feel so inspired, message us with your favourite!
Happy Holidays from all of us at Still Here!